Top 5 things I hate about LISTS!
Everywhere I go there are lists, top 10 things you should say to your next ex-wife, seven things you should do to look thinner than you are, 101 ways to love your dog better. The world has become an endless supply of 10 second "pick me ups" that are going to make everyone's life better. It is amazing to think that no real effort is needed, just $3.95 for a trite magazine and you can "check mark" your way to a healthy, well-rounded life. Then to make sure that you are following the lists closely enough every few issues the editors will throw in an "editor's choice" quiz that will really, truly, ultimately, surely, beyond all reason tell you if you are ______. In the blank feel free to imagine all the things you, a complex human being could possibly be in the eyes of a cosmo editor. I'll give you a minute.
At some point I can see this list thing really moving into the mainstream news. Top 10 reasons Bin Laden hates you. Four Best ways to quickly disarm a weapon of mass destruction (with a swiss army knife). 101 ways to tell if you neighbor is a terrorist. And the follow-up quiz could be: Are you a Macgyver or a McLean? 10 ways to tell. Personally, I think I'm more of a MacGyver. I mean, I have a swiss army knife, thanks to Derek. I was in the *cough* boy scouts. I wouldn't enjoy shooting someone. And to avoid using a firearm on many occaisions I have created hot air balloons out of wet afghans that I crocheted while government conspirators were hunting Teri Hatcher and myself. I have never blown up the Nakatomi Building (AKA the FOX building) and I'm not a New York Cop having domestic problems with my highly successful wife. Yeah, I think I'd get a 9 on that quiz.
So here it comes, the top 5 things I hate about lists!
(Hmm... is this contrary and hypocritical? Make your own list of why this might be and post it.)
5. Common Sense.
The title of the article is "5 things to spice up your love life"
#1 thing is: Spend time together
So to engage in coitus we must physically be at a close proximity? That's News.
4. Four out of the five ways to spice it up you already knew because you read it last month when it was called "4 ways to spend more time together, and be spicy.
3. Spicy has taken on an entirely new meaning, that has nothing to do with food.
2. Letterman Killed Them.
1. Sometimes they have 4 reasons, but think 5 will look better.
3 Comments:
If you really are fed up with the traditional "Top 5" lists, watch High Fidelity. In it you will find a renewed passion for top five lists. You can learn everything in the world from a person and their top five lists. Posed Question: Name the top five historical figures (dead mind you) that you would like to have lunch with. I bet the first three really roll off your tongue but when you get to the last two you really have to think about it. You must make sure your list really epitomizes you. Think about it you blindly following Cathol believer.
Well I happen to own High Fidelity and those top 5's are actually quite amusing. The top 5 dead people I'd have lunch with would be (in no particular order):
5) Jesus
4) Fred Flintstone
3) My Grandfather on my Father's side
2) Socrates (to see if he's real)
1) Martin Luther King Jr.
I was more going for actual people, i.e. Fred Flintstone. But other than that it was a good list. If you own the movie the next question becomes have you read the book. What kind of fan are you really.
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